This summer we had to endure our daddy being gone for 4 weeks. It was tough. Mom was tired and impatient but we survived. Even though it took a ton of effort to keep it going, it reminded me of what I used to be capable of. I remembered back in the day, before I was married, I had to do everything on my own. I was very independent and very self-sufficient. So when our daddy was gone we did it all. I didn't need him to mow the yard; I learned to be really fast at it. I didn't need him to take care of the car; I figured it out or found someone to do it for me. I didn't need him to take out the trash; the boys have become excellent at it. I didn't need him to keep the kids; I hired a babysitter or used the help of friends. I didn't need him to dig the crud out of the garbage disposal or change the blow-out diaper; I sucked it up and did it myself. I didn't need him to pay the bills, lock the doors at night, or get me medicine when I had a headache. I just didn't need him at all.
You want to know the biggest thing I learned while he was away? I don't need him but I want him! I want him to be here with every cell in my body. I want his sweet daddy smile and his strong tender hands. I want his crazy sense of humor lightening my emotional load. I want his calmness and his kindness, his love and his affection. I want him as my best friend, the man who would do anything to make me smile. I want him as the person who listens to me and cares about every little dumb thing I want to talk about. I want him as the father to my babies who adores all of their quirks and puts up with all of the frustrations. I want him as the father who tears up just looking at his sleeping newborn. I want him as the father who prays over his children with the fierceness of a warrior protecting his tribe. I want him as the father who is teaching me how to let boys be boys and as the father who is teaching his daughter what to expect from a man who loves her. I want this man in my life!
I used to think that I needed him. It is such a sweet and refreshing thing to know how much I want him. I love you Matthew Vernon!
( Also Honey, even though I did all of that guy stuff on my own while you were gone and I don't "need" you to do it, I really WANT you to do it! Garbage disposals are disgusting, car stuff really confuses me, and doing all of this on my own is for the birds! Love you baby.)